Scott Adams

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.

Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.

Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.

Home is pretty utopian.

Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

The only risk of failure is promotion.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.