I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I g… — Quoted

“Quotes”

“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.”

Mitch Hedberg · Birthday

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Mitch Hedberg

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

Love

Mitch Hedberg

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Dating

Mitch Hedberg

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Car

Mitch Hedberg

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Funny