“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”
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Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
