My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in… — Quoted

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“My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.”

Fred Allen · Dad

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Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Graduation

Fred Allen

An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.

Success

Fred Allen

Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Failure

Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Funny