Colin Quinn

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.

People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

Everybody's funny in different ways.

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.

He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.

I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it.

The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.