It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or d… — Quoted

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“It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?”

David Letterman · Thanksgiving

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David Letterman

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.

Future

David Letterman

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

Intelligence

David Letterman

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.

Time

David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act what else would I be but a talk show host.

Funny