I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This… — Quoted

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“I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.”

Mitch Hedberg · Morning

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Mitch Hedberg

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Birthday

Mitch Hedberg

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Dreams

Mitch Hedberg

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

Good

Mitch Hedberg

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Good