Larry David

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.