Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. — Quoted

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“Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”

Emo Philips · Morning

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Emo Philips

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

Women

Emo Philips

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Computers

Emo Philips

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Men

Emo Philips

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

Morning