My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What… — Quoted

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“My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?”

Margaret Smith · Funny

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Margaret Smith

I can't get a relationship to last longer than it takes to make copies of their tapes.

Relationship

Bertrand Russell

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Funny

Betty White

Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.

Funny

Mitch Hedberg

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Funny