P. J. O'Rourke

There's a certain kind of behavior in the Arab world that, to me, resembles the way young men behave when there is no significant influence from women in their lives.

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.

I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

You can't get rid of poverty by giving people money.

There is one thing women can never take away from men. We die sooner.

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue.

I like making things. I have a wood shop at home. I am a terrible carpenter but I love doing it.

One of the enduring problems with certain societies in the world - and this is certainly true of a lot of places in the Middle East - is that the capacity for self-governance and self-organizing just isn't there. It has to do with history.

No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are.

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies.

Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them.

Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.

The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues, and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken.