Mark Twain

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

When in doubt tell the truth.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities Truth isn't.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.