Carol Burnett

Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.

My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run.

I wish my mother had left me something about how she felt growing up. I wish my grandmother had done the same. I wanted my girls to know me.

It costs a lot to sue a magazine, and it's too bad that we don't have a system where the losing team has to pay the winning team's lawyers.

We don't stop going to school when we graduate.

But I don't begrudge anybody, because I know how hard it is to have that dream and to make it happen, whether or not it's just to put a roof over your head and food on the table.

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.

You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself.

My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away.

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.

Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.

I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie. The networks just wouldn't spend the money today.