Mark Twain

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.