Groucho Marx

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.