Bill Cosby

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I don't have a problem believing in God and Jesus. But in Genesis one has to wonder about these sentences that just go on and end without finishing. The thought is unfinished. Where did Adam go? What is he doing? Hello? There has to be some pages missing.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

Family is conflict and it's something that we all relate to.

The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them.

If you have no faith, you've lost your battle.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

I cannot understand how the education of this United States of America has been fooled time and time again. Either make it separate but equal or integrate, therefore it will be equal. And it has been separate and unequal.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.