I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. — Quoted

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“I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.”

Demetri Martin · Funny

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Demetri Martin

If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.

Time

Demetri Martin

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

Car

Demetri Martin

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.

Romantic

Demetri Martin

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40, 000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Funny