People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an… — Quoted

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“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”

Ellen DeGeneres · Funny

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Ellen DeGeneres

I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world.

Peace

Ellen DeGeneres

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Mom

Ellen DeGeneres

The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift.

Fear

Ellen DeGeneres

Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.

Christmas